Category: Fun & Humour

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?
– Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?
– It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
– It was a mean thing to say!

4. Why was the math book depressed?
– It had a lot of problems.

5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated?
– Because it is never right.

6. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper?
– They must be plotting something.

7. Why was the equal sign so humble?
– Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.

8. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date?
– The odd couple (but 7 is in her prime).

9. What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place?
– A Roamin’ numeral.

10. Did you hear the one about the statistician?
– Probably.

11. What do you call dudes who love math?
– Algebros.

12. I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics.
– But graphing is where I draw the line!

13. Why should you never talk to Pi?
– Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.

14. How do you stay warm in any room?
– Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

15. Why is six afraid of seven?
– Because seven eight (ate) nine!

16. Why DID seven eat nine?
– Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!

17. Why does nobody talk to circles?
– Because there is no point.

18. What do baby parabolas drink?
– Quadratic formula.

19. How do you get from point A to point B?
– Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.

20. The problem with math puns is that calculus jokes are all derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic. But I guess the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

A small kid asked his mom – Mom – how do you always know how to solve my problems ,?? 

Mom replied …. well you know God makes us take an exam to be able to know and solve all your problems before we become mummy . Only when we pass the test we become Mom !!!

The kid gave a knowing smile and said – I understand… If you fail in the test you become Daddy !

A lot has been spoken about the English Language. Sometimes it could be funny and at other times it can simply intrigue you. For example, you might have already heard about the sentence “A quick brown fox jumps right over the lazy dog” which contains all the letters of the English alphabet.

Similarly, there is something interesting about the below sentence –

I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality, counterbalancing indecipherability, transcendentalizes intercommunications and incomprehensibleness.

Now here is the interesting part. This is a sentence where the Nth word is N letters long. e.g. 3rd word is 3 Letters long, 8th word is 8 letters long and so on.!!!!! See it once again below –

I
do
not
know
where
family
doctors
acquired
illegibly
perplexing
handwriting
nevertheless,
extraordinary
pharmaceutical
intellectuality,
counterbalancingin
decipherability,
transcendentalizes
intercommunications and
incomprehensibleness.

Isn’t this interesting?

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists. 

Winston Churchill was a great fan of these. Here is one from his many..
“You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing — after they have tried everything else.” —Winston Churchill

Here are some more interesting ones…
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left..
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. I sleep eight hours a day and at least ten at night
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
21. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
23. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
24. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
25. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.

1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
4. Work is fine if it doesn’t take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way you’re in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
7. Born free, taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
12. It’s not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
13. I love being a writer… what I can’t stand is the paperwork.
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
19. Beat the 5 O’clock rush, leave work at noon!
20. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
21. It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the end.
22. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. – Cunino’s Law of Burnt Fingers
24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
25. Someday is not a day of the week
26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
28. The road to success…. Is always under construction.
29. Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don’t need it.
And the Best!
31. All the desirable things in life are either Illegal, Expensive, Fattening or  Married to someone else!