Posted in Fun & Humour

Letter From My 3 Months Old Son to My Sister

Dear Bhua,
Hope you and Phumphosa are keeping good health and enjoying your life in Delhi I am fine here and having a good time with papa and mummy.
You will be happy to know that I have grown a little taller but haven’t let myself become fat like papa-mummy. You know I always want to be in shape. Don’t mind but I will not like to be as fat as you.

I have made some new friends all around the house. In papa-mummy’s bedroom where I spend most of my time, I have made so many friends. On the eastern wall there is a baby playing in roses. Oh yes ! I had to change the pen because the other one was giving problems. Nowadays they don’t make things of good quality it seems. I guess the scenario is worse in Delhi – How do you manage?

Anyway I was telling you about my friends. There is another one, a nice baby, so much like me, lying on the weighing scale. Then the musical stuff toy which you gifted me has also become my good friend. He often sings to me and I like it very much.

But most favourite of my best friends is the ceiling fan. I can watch it for hours and he keeps me engaged whether he is moving or still. I talk to him loudly and then papa-mummy feel so happy. I guess they also like my friends.

In the drawing room there is a boy in dhoti which my Dada has sent. He taught me to suck my two fingers so whenever I am hungry I start sucking my fingers. My parents have a tough time removing my hand from my mouth but I enjoy it a lot so I just ignore them and continue sucking my fingers. 

Yes, the ceiling fan of the hall is also my good friend. Sometimes I watch TV when I am in the hall but the moment my parents come to know that I am watching TV they either put me at some other place or switch off the TV. 

Let me tell you something very interesting I am very fond of playing at night, where is my parents want to sleep at night but since I am awake either one or both of them have to be awake with me. They scold me everyday for staying up so late but the moment I smile at them they forget all scoldings and hug me. 

I have started saying “mum…mee” and whenever I say so mummy become so happy. She wants me to say again and again but then I know how to keep my importance so I also do not say it again. I am telling you all this in good faith you should not share all this with my parents. 
One day papa mummy took a lot of snaps of me and send it to all the family members but the next day Dada called up and scolded papa. Since then he has not dared to take another snap.

I love both papa and mummy. While mummy takes good care of me whole day and at night also because papa sleeps saying he has to go to office next day – I wonder what is so exciting at office that he goes there everyday – even on weekends. 

Papa also loves to spend time with me. I generally wake up when he returns from office and then I give him the opportunity to spend time with me. 

Nowadays the weather is very pleasant and it rains every day. I want to enjoy the weather but my parents force me to wear warm clothes and always have the blanket on. But the moment they put the blanket I throw it away with my legs. 

That was a lot about me you tell me about yourself. Hope you are taking good care of Phumphosa. I am waiting for your Rakhi and papa-mummy also. They have got a gift cheque for you (lucky you !) but had to take it in Phumphosa’s name as you might not be having account in your married name. 

Ok now I want to sleep and I am feeling a little hungry also and I can see mummy coming to feed me. So bye and keep writing.

Lots and lots of love,

Posted in Life Gyan

My Children, My Universe

Sharing this immensely practical advice given by Mrs. Chithra Vishwanathan, who’s a famous Cooking expert. And I can vouch, I have seen the same story unfold among relatives and families of friends and neighbours – especially if the lady is a homemaker. The vacuum in the mother’s life after the kids leave home can push her into depression. Maybe you can relate to the below story and learn from it.

When my daughter, the elder one of my two children got married & left the house, I felt as if I could not let her leave me. Having a daughter & a son, I know what both mean, but differently .
Once my daughter reached her teens I had started feeling as if my daughter was a “physical extension” of me ! So when she was leaving home to set up her own nest, it was as though I was losing a limb .
The next time she came for a short stay with us, I was astonished how her priorities had changed. (of course we must have given the same shocks to our own parents ! ). When she said Amma, she meant her MIL & not me! I imagined that she was always in a hurry to go back to her house & not stay with me for a few more days. That was the first time, it dawned on me that I have to start practising detachment in attachment.
Two years after my daughter’s marriage, my son left for higher studies to U S. Having experienced a child’s separation once, I was better equipped emotionally. I plunged head long into various classes held in the city starting from vedanta to healing to ikebana – I just wanted to be away from home since my husband was a 7-7 worker & a workaholic. My son used to write how he was missing my home cooked food, how he was waiting to come back to live in Chennai with us etc.
After a few years, he did come back & we got him married. He started living separately with his wife & we were also happy that they wanted to be independent from the beginning.
But now, it was all changed ! When in the U S, he missed my cooking, now if I called him to come over with his wife for a meal, it was always some excuse like “Oh, Amma, we have other plans for the day, please don’t mistake us if we don’t drop in today” ! I could see that his priorities had also changed completely.
We talk in theory so many things & give advice to others etc but when it comes to your own children, acceptance comes very late & next step is just leaving them undisturbed in every way, mainly without advice from our end.

It was at that time, I made the following lines as my “new profile”:

In all my relationships, rather interactions, I give my best. I work hard to mature & cherish them. My attachment with them is complete. However, I remain detached in the sense that I do not expect them to reciprocate my affection. Most importantly, I make a conscious effort, not to interfere or pass judgements on the lives they choose to lead. My concern for my near & dear ones will not fade with my detachment. If you let go of the ones you love, they will never go away – this is the beauty of attachment with detachment !

I have learnt to love & let go.This dictum has developed tolerance in me. When I let the people live the way they want to, I learn to accept them for what they are. Most importantly, I learn to tolerate the world around me & this tolerance brings in me a sense of peace & contentment. I ask God to guide me in being loving, compassionate, tolerant & understanding when I interact with others. If a person wants to share a thought or concern with me I want that person to feel comfortable to do so. I want to remain peaceful & approachable to others. Before I speak , I pray to God to give me the right words so that I express myself clearly & with consideration to others.

Since both my children live in Chennai, I follow this very strictly, you know why ! Now I have realised that we start growing mentally much more only after the children leave the house & we have to tackle the emotional vacuum, that arises, along with age-related problems like menopause which set in simultaneously. I find this is the most testing period for a woman, as well & emerging successfully is a slow process.

I specially dedicate this post to my friends, who are totally dependent on their children’s lives, to nurture their own selves emotionally. Please develop your own interests, hobbies etc, however mundane they may seem to be.