Posted in Life Gyan

No One Can Hurt You Without Your Consent

On the first day as President…  Abraham Lincoln entered to give his inaugural address, while just on the set, one man stood up. He was a rich Aristocrat…. 

He said, “Mr. Lincoln, you should not forget that your father used to make shoes for my family” And the whole Senate burst out laughing; for they thought they had made a fool of Abraham Lincoln.

But Lincoln was a man of totally different mettle than them, as he just looked at the man, and said humbly, ” Sir, I know my father used to make shoes for you and your family, and there are many others here too I am sure, for whom he has made shoes….But I must say one thing, the way he made shoes….; nobody else could match. He was a genuine artisan; His shoes were not just shoes; he poured his whole heart and soul in it….and hence, I would like to humbly ask you sir….do you have any complaint? because I also know how to make shoes myself….and if you are in any way dissatisfied, I can make another pair for  you as a service for my late father. But as far as I know”, Lincoln added confidently, “nobody has ever complained about my father’s shoes. He was a real genius in his line of work, a great creator….and I must indeed thank you, for reminding me of him on this day, for I am very fondly proud of my father.”

The whole Senate was dumb struck. They could not understand, as to what kind of a man Abraham Lincoln was. The humility about himself and the pride for his father, through quality of his work…..to say that not a single complaint had ever been heard….he also defined his own character, as well as his personal mettle.

Moral of the story :
No one can hurt you without your consent.
It is not what happens to us, that hurts us.
It’s how we react to what happens, hurts…….if we allow it to…..!!!

Posted in Fun & Humour

Daddy !

A small kid asked his mom – Mom – how do you always know how to solve my problems ,?? 

Mom replied …. well you know God makes us take an exam to be able to know and solve all your problems before we become mummy . Only when we pass the test we become Mom !!!

The kid gave a knowing smile and said – I understand… If you fail in the test you become Daddy !

Posted in Life Gyan

Nurture The Child

  • If your child lies to you often, it is because you over-react too harshly to their inappropriate behaviour.
  • If your child is not taught to confide in you about their mistakes, you’ve lost them.
  • If your child had poor self-esteem, it is because you advice them more than you encourage them.
  • If your child does not stand up for themselves, it is because from a young age you have disciplined them regularly in public.
  • If your child takes things that do not belong to them, it is because when you buy them things, you don’t let them chose what they want.
  • If your child is cowardly, it is because you help them too quickly.
  • If your child does not respect other people’s feelings, it is because instead of speaking to your child, you order and command them.
  • If your child is too quick to anger, it is because you give too much attention to misbehaviour and you give little attention to good behaviour.
  • If your child is excessively jealous, it is because you only congratulate them when they successfully complete something and not when they improve at something even if they don’t successfully complete it.
  • If your child intentionally disturbs you, it is because you are not physically affectionate enough.
  • If your child is openly defied, it is because you openly threaten to do something but don’t follow through.
  • If your child is secretive, it is because they don’t trust that you won’t blow things out of proportion.
  • If your child talks back to you, it is because they watch you do it to others and think its normal behaviour.
  • If your child doesn’t listen to you but listens to others, it is because you are too quick to make decisions.
  • If your child rebels it is because they know you care more about what others think than what is right or wrong.

Change starts at home.  Try a few if not all and see the sea change in the relations. Can you?

Posted in Life Gyan

Assume Positive Intent

Once a person was traveling across the countryside in his car and unfortunately somewhere on the outskirts of a village his car get a flat Tyre. When he gets down to replace the tyre he realizes that he forgot the jack in his own garage. He gets very upset at his own stupidity and kicks the flat tyre in disappointment. He looks around for help but there is no one to be seen. He looks around once more pondering at the alternatives when he notices a car parked in the courtyard of one of the houses in the distance across the fields. He chuckled at the sight of the car and decides to ask the owner of the car, probably a farmer, if he could borrow his jack. 

So he starts walking towards the farmer’s house. While walking he starts to mentally prepare his narration that he would tell the farmer which would convince him to lend the jack in the easiest and quickest possible manner. He thinks if I say this the farmer may respond like this and then this is what I am going to tell him. If he offers me tea/coffee I am going to say this and so on. During his mental dialogues he also thinks what if the farmer makes an excuse and refuses to lend the jack. Then he prepares his reasons to convince the farmer but what if the farmer does not relent – he tries harder but what if the farmer does not trust strangers. 

The dialogues in his head continue to get more and more intense as he keeps walking towards the farmer’s house. By the time he knocks on the farmer’s door he is completely agitated and enraged with the arguments going on in his head. And the moment the farmer opens the door the person is so angry that he punches the farmer…

This story may not be very different from what we too face in our day to day lives. Wherever the favorable outcome of a situation is extremely important to us, our emotions get attached to the outcome.  Doubt, anxiety and negative thoughts then start creeping into our mind. And the mental conversations begins. As these situations play out in our head, we start looking suspiciously at all the other characters in the play as if everyone has just one motto – how to jeopardize the outcome we desire so badly. Just like the person with the flat tyre in the story, we start mixing our mental conversations with the real world interactions and start “punching” (read behaving rudely, sulking, stop responding, deliberately avoid helping, using sarcastic language) the various characters who are none other than our family members, friends and colleagues. 

To prevent ourselves from getting trapped into such behaviors and to make our own lives and that of others around us blissful, here is a simple, powerful and very effective concept. All you need to do is to repeat this phrase to yourself whenever you are faced with doubt, anxiety or negative thoughts about a person or a situation and your faith starts to falter.

ASSUME POSITIVE INTENT

The beauty of this simple thought is that it applies equally well to all situations whether you are at home, at work or with friends. Whenever you are tempted to think negatively of a situation or the person causing it – pause a moment and remember the phrase “Assume Positive Intent“. These three simple words will direct your mind to look at the same situation by assuming positive intentions of the people involved. Rather than looking at the negative reasons for someone’s behavior you start to think of positive intentions behind people’s behavior. By doing this you are willing to give the benefit of doubt to your friends or family, even if it is for that moment. 

The moment you change your point of view, everything related to it changes, including how you respond to it. It takes the stress out of the entire event and preserves the health of your relationship as you start visualizing people having positive intentions towards you. By adopting a positive view, you not only make your life stress free but also start influencing the others around you with your positive attitude. 

Once you start practicing this in your day to day interactions, you will be tempted to take a print out of these three words and stick it to your desk. These simple words, if practiced consistently can take the heartburn out of so many situations and save many relationships from going stale. 

Posted in Life Gyan

The Price of Anything “Free”

There is nothing called Free Lunch.

“When anything is free, your freedom is the price!! “

Desmond Tutu once said, “When the Missionaries came to Africa, they had the Bible and we had the land. They said, “let us pray”.  We closed our eyes. When we opened  them, we had the Bible and they had the land.

Like wise, when social networking came, they had the WhatsApp and Facebook, and we had the freedom. They said it’s free. We closed our eyes. When we opened them, we had WhatsApp and Facebook, and  they had our freedom.

When anything is “free”, your freedom is the Price.

Posted in Life Gyan

How to Find “What I Really Want?”

If you haven’t read the first part of this post “What Do We Want From Life?” I would recommend you go through it first before reading this post any further. 

Finding what you want from life is a very personal journey which will require a lot of honesty and a little bit of courage to accept yourself the way you really are and the  involvement of your heart and mind – all at the same time. Once you pose the question (What do I want from my life?) to yourself with the serious intent of finding the answer, your mind (both conscious and sub-conscious) will get engaged. 

Our mind is a big storehouse of all our desires, emotions, things that our parents, friends, family members, teachers etc may have told us over the years. All these hidden emotions below the surface keep playing with our mind when we want to take any decision. And you will notice that at time we experience a lot of chatter in the mind pulling us into different directions. That is because of lack of clarity of what we want.

At the outset, the mind will start giving you many options of what you want from life. These options may be based on what others may have told you or expect from you. So how to find out if the options that your mind is throwing at you are the real answers? There may be different ways to ascertain that but the one that works for most is writing down the answer and then writing down the “Why?” – the reasons why you want it? Just keep writing all the big and small reasons that come to your mind till you have emptied all your thoughts about this answer. 

Repeat this process with the other answers that come to your mind. 
This may not happen in one sitting. The time taken will vary from one person to another depending on your desire, the fire in your belly to really uncover the answer. But the key is to remain persistent and determined to take it to conclusion. And I assure you it will be worth the effort. And remember the journey is as important as the destination as that is where the transformation is actually happening.

Review the answers you have written and the reasons – some of them will start resonating with you while you will be able to discard the others. It is ok to filter out more than one answer to “what you want from life” as you may want to express yourself, your talents in multiple fields. For example, on one hand you may want to be successful in your career and on the other hand you may want to do something meaningful for the under-privileged. On one side you may strive to be the best parent and at the same time you may want to give wings to your own creative pursuits. I have come across many talented people who are achievers in more than one field in life. 

Eventually by this process of looking at the various desires and options and reviewing them by being true to your own self, you will arrive at the answers in a few iterations. 

Posted in Life Gyan

What Do We Want From Life?

Here is something really worth pondering over. The honest answer to this one question can change the direction of your life, can create a new meaning and may even give you an entirely new perspective towards life, goals, happiness and finding satisfaction. Ask yourself,

“What do I want from my life?”

While some may say Success, Wealth, Fame, Love, Happiness – answering this for oneself requires a little more thought and a peek at one’s innermost desires. The key think to remember is that you need not share the answer with anyone else – is to for your own sake that you must answer this question.

It is certainly not an easy one to answer and at the first attempt you may be tempted to say “I don’t know”. While that is perfectly normal, don’t stop there. Be persistent. Find the answer or create one for yourself.

The question remains relevant no matter at what stage in life you are at. You may be a student, working professional, artist, entrepreneur or housewife – think about what you want from life. A lot of times not knowing what we want, is the source of unhappiness and restlessness, as we perpetually keep looking for a better job, more wealth, bigger house etc. That is what is called the rat race. 

Once you are able to arrive at the answer to this question, you will no longer be in the blind rat race. You will go after your goals, your passion with a sense of purpose and a new kind of enthusiasm. It will give a new clarity to your thoughts and actions. You will feel transformed. A version 2.0 of yourself. A lot of your old dilemmas and debates that occupied your mind so far will automatically disappear. Your interactions with people will become better. All of this because of the clarity of thought you now have.  So go ahead and spend some time in solitude. 

Do yourself a favour – find the answer to what you really want from life. After all it is just one life that you have. Make it count.

If you are interested in knowing a practical approach to “How to Find What I Really Want?” click here.

“You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing everything with logic; true power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you; breathe and allow things to pass.”

Words Have Power

Posted in Life Gyan

What Are You Best At

For a long time we have been told to focus on improving our weak areas to succeed in life. Also realise that at most times when we request for feedback we keep the good part aside and go after the areas of improvement.

However, we cannot be perfect so this strategy for success is an infinite loop in itself. And also it is a very time consuming process to clearly identify your weak areas and build enough competency to make any visible improvement.

A lot of experienced folks realise that they have less time in hand and the strategy of working on the weak areas is something which may not give them quick results. A better approach in the current scenario is to play to your strengths.

“To play to your strengths” means to first Identify your top strengths (competencies that you are really good at) and then leverage them for maximum growth in the shortest possible time. This means find/switch to opportunities/roles where you can best utilise your strengths. And the good news is that unlike working on your weaknesses you don’t have to go through a painful process of change. Your strengths are already inherent within you. All you need to do is to do some introspection and objectively identify your top strengths. Once done acknowledge them and start working on your strength areas and see the results.

Posted in Life Gyan

The Indian Soldier

The average age of the Army Man is 23 years. 
He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy.
Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer in the capital of his country, but old enough to die for his country.
He’s a recent school or college graduate; he was probably an average student from one of the Kendriya Vidyalayas, pursued some form of sport activities, drives a rickety bicycle, and had a girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left for IMA, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away.

He listens to rock and roll or hip -hop or bhangra or gazals and a 155mm howitzer.
He is 5 or 7 kilos lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting the insurgents or standing guard on the icy Himalayas from before dawn to well after dusk or he is at Mumbai engaging the terrorists.
He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark.
He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must.
He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional. He can march until he is told to stop, or stop until he is told to march.
He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity. His pride and self-respect, he does not lack.

He is self-sufficient.
He has two sets of combat dress: he washes one and wears the other.
He keeps his water bottle full and his feet dry.
He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle.
He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own wounds.
If you’re thirsty, he’ll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food. He’ll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low.
He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands.
He can save your life – or take it, because he’s been trained for both.
He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay, and still find ironic humour in it all.
He has seen more suffering and death than he should have in his short lifetime.
He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed to do so.
He feels every note of the Jana Gana Mana vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to ‘square-away’ those around him who haven’t bothered to stand, remove their hands from their pockets, or even stop talking.
In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful. Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom.

A tricolour, somewhere in his uniform,
A tricolour, he holds high,
A tricolour he unfurls with pride after every mission.
Sometimes he comes home wrapped in one.
Beardless or not, he is not a boy.
He is your nation’s Fighting Man that has kept this country free and defended your right to Freedom.
He has experienced deprivation and adversity, and has seen his buddies falling to bullets and maimed and blown.
Leave aside One Rank One Pension he smiles at the irony of the IAS babu and politician reducing his status year after year and the unkindest cut of all, even reducing his salary and asking why he should get 14 eggs a week free!
And when he silently whispers in protest, the same politician and babu aghast, suggest he’s mutinying!

Wake up citizens of India! Let’s begin discriminating between the saviours of India and destroyers

JAI HIND