A fall back is the go-to person(s) who we reach out to in times of confusion, chaos, dilemma or so to say..in our weaker times.
Life is full of ups and downs and even though we all have our own strengths, yet there are times in everyone’s life where we are faced with new challenges or some major life changing decisions where our mind is filled with self-doubt, confusion, sadness or ambiguities. During such times, we fall back on to our close friends or mentors who are our confidantes in the hope that they will understand our situation and may help clear the clouds from our thinking to enable us to choose wisely and take the right decision.
Thus it is very important to choose our fall backs wisely as they are the people who can have a big influence over the way we think and perceive the situation and the decisions we take at those times and can change the course/ direction of our lives.
Let us reflect on two important characters from Mahabharata – Duryodhan & Arjun.
Duryodhan was a person of very high intelligence, power, and knowledge. He had the knowledge about what is right and wrong, yet he couldn’t prevent himself from taking the wrong path and decisions. His fall back was his uncle Shakuni, who had vested interests of his own. He manipulated Duryodhan during his confused state by massaging his ego, and always blaming the other for the situation which was surrounding Duryodhan. Shakuni made Duryodhan dependent on him gradually for all important or smaller decisions.
However, Arjun’s fall back was Krishna who presented him with facts, higher truths of life and allowed Arjun to make his own choices and decisions. Krishna accepted and honed Arjun to be a brave leader. Krishna empowered him to make his own choices and be responsible for the choices he makes. Krishna never manipulated him. This enabled Arjun and rest of the Pandavas to choose their own path wisely and follow their Dharma.
The rest as we say is history. Though we cannot ignore the influence both Shakuni and Krishna had on their protégé yet both Duryodhan and Arjun were eventually responsible for their own actions. And that is why the right fallback or mentor or counsel is so important in life.
Consider a drop of pure water falling from the sky.
If it lands on flowers or leaves, it becomes a dew drop.
If it falls on a hot surface, then it loses its identity and vanishes.
If the same drop lands in an oyster, it gets converted into a pearl…
Reflect on who is your fallback? Does he or she massage your ego in those confused situations, or do they provide comfort and assurance and help you see the light within and choose your own path wisely. Our fallbacks might not necessarily be as extreme as Shakuni or Krishna but if we take a step back and reflect we can still gauge which ways they tend towards.
Also, reflect upon how you play your role as a fallback. When others fall back on you when they are confused, do you hold the space for them, or do you unconsciously get your own stories mixed up with theirs.
Do you assist the person see his own wisdom and see the truth or manipulate him/her to believe that they are the victim and the other person/situation is the perpetrator?
Do you meditate or contemplate the situation without judgments or you unconsciously get your vested interests fulfilled through the situation?
We all play fallbacks to other people in our lives, especially as a spouse, parent, child, sibling, friend, relative or colleague. Let us be mindful of our energies and emotions so that when someone comes to us in their turbulent times, we are able to empathise with them, yet stay neutral and help them reflect their true essence just as a true mirror would do.
Realise the role of your community, your companions, your friends and family and how they can influence the direction of your journey of life in a profound way.
Choose your fallbacks wisely and be an empathetic yet honest fallback to someone else.
