Tag: Wisdom

Posted in Life Gyan

Don’t Confuse Lifestyle with Life !

Posted on by Anand Surana

I came across this story a few years ago and the lesson has stayed with me over the years. A few days ago something reminded me of this story and I decided to share this with everyone for the sheer simplicity and the powerful message it carries.

A group of alumni, who were very successful in their careers, decided to get together to visit their old university professor. After they all reunited, the conversation of the alumni soon turned into complaints about work, relationships and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups – porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite – telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all of his old students had a cup of coffee in hand, they sat down together and the professor said: “If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups have been taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is, of course normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that can also be the source of much of your dissatisfaction, problems and stress.

It’s important to know that the cup itself adds no real quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just chosen because its perceived to be more special or expensive. What all of you really wanted was experience of the coffee, not the cup, but you unconsciously went for the best cups. Some of you tried to get the best cup first or began eyeing each other’s cups to see if yours was nice enough.

Now consider this: Life is a bit like the cup of coffee; the jobs, money possessions and position in society are the cups. They are just tools and structures that contain or hold together the current story of your life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of life we live.

Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee.

Here is my advice to you – Savour the coffee, not the cups! What you really want is to be happy. The happiest people don’t have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

Posted in Life Gyan

20 Things People Learn Too Late

Posted on by Anand Surana

1. Don’t tell people more than they need to know, respect your privacy.

2. Every challenge, hard time, and pain you endure will turn into strength, resilience and blessings.

3. Don’t argue with people who want to misunderstand you – Starve them with silence.

4. Life is short, don’t forget to make a life and not just a living.

5. You don’t need to explain yourself or get anyone’s approval to live your life.

6. Keep your standards high and  don’t settle for something because it’s available.

7. Boundaries are your responsibility, you decide what is and what isn’t allowed in your life.

8. You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.

9. Never expect to get back what you give or you will always be disappointed.

10. Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from and don’t let someone who has done nothing, tell you how to do anything.

11. If you keep waiting for the “right time” you will keep wasting all of your time.

12. Don’t let people trigger you. Control your reaction and leave them powerless.

13. Stop expecting loyalty from people who can’t give you honesty.

14. Accept people for who they are and not who you want them to be.

15. Life doesn’t always give us the experiences we want, it gives us the experiences we need to learn and grow.

16. The best revenge is no revenge. Improve yourself and forget they exist.

17. The people who belong in your life want to be there, they don’t need to be chased.

18. It takes time to build trust but only seconds to lose.

19. No one is going to come and save you because You are perfectly capable of Saving Yourself.

20. Don’t judge people and their choices when you don’t understand their reasons.

Posted in Life Gyan

Mindful Consumption

Posted on by Anand Surana

While we enjoy the good things in life, we also need to keep in mind that not everyone is equally fortunate and there are lots of people who struggle to make their ends meet. There is still a huge section of population on earth who do not have access to basic facilities like clean drinking water, education, proper health care, electricity etc.

While we do things that are within our power to make things better for these people either directly or by joining hands with some NGO there is one thing that we all can do right away – cultivating an attitude of mindful consumption. Mindful consumption means using the earth’s finite resources in a responsible manner, reduce consumption where possible, eliminate wastage and reduce your carbon footprint.

To make it easy here are a few examples to get you started.

1. Do I really need the water that is being poured in my glass at the restaurant?

Will that water not go down the drain (literally) when I leave my table? Am I being fair to those who are walking miles for drinking water and yet what they get is hardly safe enough to consume?

2. Do I really need to wrap that gift by buying ‘free’ gift wrapping paper?

Because that shiny/ non-biodegradable paper is going to be trashed (literally) once the gift is opened?

3. Do I really need to buy gifts when I am not sure if they will be used and needed by the receiver because I want to look good?

Isn’t it wiser to buy fruits or dry-fruits with the same amount of money and with almost certainty that they will be consumed?

4. What do I do when I am at buffet?

Do I listen to my stomach or do I fill my plate with everything available (either because its free or because I have paid for it all)?

5. What do I do when the guy at Subway (the foodchain) offers me two forks and four tissue papers when I am going to be eating alone?

Do I return one fork and three tissue papers (or all four, if I carry my own hanky) to him or I just walk away from the counter and throw away unused forks and tissue papers?

6. Just because something is ‘bio-degradable’, should I use it?

Can I even avoid a paper bag or a cloth bag because a tree was chopped to make that paper and earth was subjected to atrocities to create the piece of cloth? Can I ‘reduce’ my consumption even before thinking of ‘reuse’ or ‘recycle’?

7. What happens when I go to eat Thaali ?

There are so many things I know I might not eat (for eg katori of Dahi or that mithai) .. Do I return it immediately so that it can be offered to someone else or do I let it sit on my plate and leave it untouched only to be thrown away later?

8. Do I really need that cotton Kurti because it looks cool?

The fashion industry is far more evil than what meets our eye. From what it does to the environment while growing cotton and jute to how it treats humans to how it treats textiles and garment waste is mind-bogglingly dirty.

9. Do I really need that extra pair of shoes because I don’t have ‘that’ particular shade of orange?

Do I take into account that once processed, footwear is almost impossible to degenerate on face of the earth (including leather)?

10. Do I need to cook elaborate meals when guests visit me?

Can I cook just enough so that everybody including myself can have a great time and no food is wasted (or we don’t continue to eat same food for next three days well after it has lost all its nutrients)

11. Do I need to buy things just because they are in sale and they are cheaper?

Do I need to buy them because there is ‘return policy’? I was reading a case study on how big retail conglomerates dump returned goods in the ocean and its unbelievable how our oceans are constantly being subjected to waste created because of our greed.

12. Am I respectful when I am visiting a tourist destination?

Do I take rules such as ‘keep silence’, ‘do not litter’ seriously enough?
Do I allow the place to consume me or my overbearing presence consumes the place?

13. Do I switch off the appliances not in use – extra lights, fans, AC units, hot water geysers etc?

We switch off many appliances using the remote but leave the power switch on for long duration such as TV and AC units. Even in the switched off state they consume miniscule amount of electricity which adds up to a considerable amount in the long run. Let’s be mindful of that and switch it off from the power source.

I urge you to start asking these questions to yourself and educate your family members too. It takes a huge amount of energy and other earth’s resources to prepare the finished goods that we are consuming so mindlessly day-in and day-out.

Each aware person can make a difference ! Spread the awareness !

Posted in Life Gyan

Unspoken Social Rules

Posted on by Anand Surana

According to the Dr. Saul McLeod , who has been teaching psychology for over 17 years, “Social rules or norms are the unwritten rules of beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors that are considered acceptable in a particular social group or culture. Norms provide us with an expected idea of how to behave…For example, we expect students to arrive to a lesson on time and complete their work.”

Social norms have existed from the time humans first started to live together in small. And the the norms evolve as the humans evolved into more sophisticated communities and societies. And it may be interesting to notice that the norms vary depending on geographies, social status, religious beliefs and so on. However, there is another side of the coin too. We also observe that there are many such unspoken social rules which are commonly accepted by a large majority of the people across the globe barring exceptions.

Time also plays a key role in influencing the social norms. If you look back in time, you will notice, many social behaviours which are common now were actually taboo a few years ago. So here is a list of a few contemporary social norms which you may find useful –

1. Don’t call someone more than twice continuously. If they don’t pick up your call, presume they have something important to attend to;

2. Return money that you have borrowed even before the person from whom you borrowed remembers or asks for it. It shows your integrity and character. Same goes with umbrellas, pens and books.

3. Never order the expensive dish on the menu when someone is giving you a lunch/dinner.

4. Don’t ask awkward questions like ‘Oh so you aren’t married yet?’ Or ‘Don’t you have kids’ or ‘Why didn’t you buy a house?’ Or why don’t you buy a car? For God’s sake it isn’t your problem;

5. Always open the door for the person coming behind you. It doesn’t matter if it is a guy or a girl, senior or junior. You don’t grow small by treating someone well in public;

6. If you take a taxi with a friend and he/she pays now, try paying next time;

7. Respect different shades of opinions. Remember what’s 6 to you will appear 9 to someone facing you. Besides, second opinion is good for an alternative;

8. Never interrupt people talking. Allow them to pour it out. As they say, hear them all and filter them all;

9. If you tease someone, and they don’t seem to enjoy it, stop it and never do it again;

10. Say “thank you” when someone is helping you.

11. Praise publicly. Criticize privately;

12. There’s almost never a reason to comment on someone’s weight. Just say, “You look fantastic.” If they want to talk about losing weight, they will;

13. When someone shows you a photo on their phone, don’t swipe left or right. You never know what’s next;

14. If a colleague tells you they have a doctors’ appointment, don’t ask what it’s for, just say “I hope you’re okay”. Don’t put them in the uncomfortable position of having to tell you their personal illness. If they want you to know, they’ll do so without your inquisitiveness;

15. Treat the cleaner with the same respect as the CEO. Nobody is impressed at how rude you can treat someone below you but people will notice if you treat them with respect;

16. If a person is speaking directly to you, staring at your phone is rude;

17. Never give advice until you’re asked;

18. When meeting someone after a long time, unless they want to talk about it, don’t ask them their age and salary;

19. Mind your business unless anything involves you directly – just stay out of it;

20. Remove your sunglasses if you are talking to anyone in the street. It is a sign of respect. More so, eye contact is as important as your speech; and

21. Never talk about your riches in the midst of the poor. Similarly, don’t talk about your children in the midst of the barren.

And last but not the least, APPRECIATION and GRATITUDE remain the easiest way of getting what you don’t have….

Posted in Life Gyan

Maturity

Posted on by Anand Surana

Maturity is when you stop trying to change people, and instead focus on changing yourself.
Maturity is when you accept people for who they are.
Maturity is when you understand that everyone is right in their own perspective.

Maturity is when you learn to “let go”.
Maturity is when you are able to drop “expectations” from a relationship and give for the sake of giving.
Maturity is when you understand that whatever you do, you do for your own peace.

Maturity is when you stop proving to the world how intelligent you are.
Maturity is when you focus on positives in people.
Maturity is when you do not seek approval from others.
Maturity is when you stop comparing yourself with others.

Maturity is when you are at peace with yourself.
Maturity is when you can differentiate between “need” and “want, and you can you can let go of your wants.
Maturity is when you stop attaching “happiness” to material things.

Posted in Life Gyan

I Have Learned…

Posted on by Anand Surana
  1. I have learned that no matter how good you are internally, people will judge you by your looks
  2. I have learned that your parents are your real treasure. But the sad part is that they won’t be with you forever
  3. I have learned that time is best healer
  4. I have learned that no matter what, the only person you can truly rely upon is yourself
  5. I have learned that attachment hurts
  6. I have learned that hard work pays
  7. i have learned that it is not what I have in life but who I have in my life that counts
Posted in Leadership

Tale of Two Pebbles – Lesson in Lateral Thinking

Posted on by Anand Surana

Many hundreds of years ago in a small Indian village, a merchant had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to the moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the merchant’s beautiful daughter – so he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the merchant’s debt if he could marry the daughter. Both the merchant and his daughter were horrified by the proposal.

So the cunning moneylender suggested that they let providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty bag. The girl would then have to pick one pebble from the bag.

(1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become the moneylender’s wife and her father’s debt would be forgiven. 
(2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father’s debt would still be forgiven. 
(3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the merchant’s garden. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick her pebble from the bag.

What would you have done if you were the girl? 
If you had to advise her, what would you have told her? 

Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:
1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the moneylender as a cheat.
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking.

Here is what the girl did…
The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

“Oh, how clumsy of me,” she said. “But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked.” Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the moneylender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an advantageous one.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Most complex problems do have a solution, at times the solution is not so obvious and we need to think “Out of the Box”

Posted in Life Gyan

17 Camels & The Wise Man

Posted on by Anand Surana

Long ago in a village in Rajasthan, a farmer left a strange will for his three sons. The will stated that,
“The eldest son should get half of his Camels,
The middle Son should be given 1/3rd of the Camels, and
the youngest Son should be given 1/9th of the Camels“

The problem was that the farmer had 17 camels. The sons realised that it is not possible to divide 17 into half or 17 by a third or 17 by a ninth. And neither of them were interested to give the other two more than the share mentioned in the Will.

Unable to resolve the issue amicably, they decided to go to a wise man for help. The wise man listened to the issue patiently and they showed him the Will and told him about the problem of dividing the 17 camels as per the Will of their father.

The wise man, after giving the problem a careful thought, smiled, got up and brought one of his own camel & added the same to the 17. That increased the total to 18 camels. “Now”, he said, “let’s read the Will one more time.”

The eldest son should get half of the Camels – 18/2 = 9.
So he gave 9 camels to the eldest son.

The middle Son should be given 1/3rd of Camels, 18/3 = 6
So he gave 6 camels to the middle son.

Youngest Son should be given 1/9th of the Camels, 18/9 =2
So he gave 2 camels to the youngest son

Now adding : 9 + 6 + 2 = 17 & this leaves 1 camel, which the wise man took back.

MORAL: The art of negotiation & problem solving is to find the 18th camel i.e. the common ground. Once a person is able to find the common ground, the issue can be resolved. Though it can be difficult at times. However, to reach a solution, the first step is to believe that there IS a solution. If we think that there is no solution, we won’t be able to reach any!

Posted in Financial Gyan

Timeless Wisdom of Warren Buffet

Posted on by Anand Surana

ON EARNING
Never depend on single income. Make investment to create a second source

ON SPENDING
If you buy things you do not need, soon you will have to sell things you need

ON SAVINGS
Do not save what is left after spending, but spend what is left after saving

ON TAKING RISK
Never test the depth of a river with both feet.

ON INVESTMENT
Do not put all eggs in one basket.

ON EXPECTATIONS
Honesty is a very expensive gift. Do not expect it from cheap people.

Posted in Life Gyan

14 Nuggets of Wisdom for Those Over 40

Posted on by Anand Surana

Forty (40) is a strange number when referred in context to age. While for some “Life begins at forty” whereas for some forty is a psychological milestone, a alarm bell of sorts to get your act together, a reminder of our mortality and probably for the most of us, a realization that we are at the halfway mark on the journey called life. 

Sharing some nuggets of wisdom that may help if you are over 40 –

  1. After loving my parents, my siblings, my spouse, my children, my friends, now I have started loving myself.
  2. I just realised that I am not “Atlas”. The world does not rest on my shoulders.
  3. I now stopped bargaining with vegetables and fruits vendors.  After all, a few rupees more is not going to burn a hole in my pocket but it might help the poor fellow save for his daughter’s school fees.
  4. I pay the taxi driver without waiting for the change. The extra money might bring a smile on his face. After all he is toiling much harder for a living than me
  5. I stopped telling the elderly that they’ve already narrated that story many times. After all, the story makes them walk down the memory lane and relieve the past.
  6. I’ve learnt not to correct people even when I know they are wrong.  After all, the onus of making everyone perfect is not on me.  Peace is more precious than perfection.
  7. I give compliments freely and generously. After all it’s a mood enhancer not only for the recipient, but also for me.
  8. I’ve learnt not to bother about a crease or a spot on my shirt.  After all, personality speaks louder than appearances.  
  9. I walk away from people who don’t value me. After all, they might not know my worth, but I do.
  10. I remain cool when someone plays dirty politics to outrun me in the rat race.  After all, I am not a rat and neither am I in any race.
  11. I am learning not to be embarrassed by my emotions. After all, it’s my emotions that make me human.
  12. I have learnt that its better to drop the ego than to break a relationship. After all, my ego will keep me aloof whereas with relationships I will never be alone.
  13. I’ve learnt to live each day as if it’s the last. After all, it might be the last.
  14. I am doing what makes me happy.  After all, I am responsible for my happiness, and I owe it to me…..